January 29, 2015
Too much of the “man’s man” ideals of masculinity can act as a barrier to one of the simplest and most effective ways of dealing with mental health problems: talking about them.
“Society encourages men to maintain this image of being tough and independent, and being able to solve problems on their own. Therapy is the opposite; it asks you to be vulnerable and expressive. It’s in conflict with the concept of masculinity,” says Thalia Anderen, a therapist with the Calgary Counselling Centre. 
It’s common for men to voice skepticism at their first counselling session with a psychologist. Anderen says that over the years she’s heard men express the same reluctance in several different ways. “A friend said this might do me some good, but I’m not so sure.” “I don’t believe in therapy but I thought I’d give this a try.” “I don’t know what you’re going to do for me, but here I am.” Men who do take that first step generally go on to open up about their concerns and trust in the process, Anderen says. Statistics show, however, that women are more than twice as likely as men to reach out and talk to someone about what’s bothering them.
And it’s not because women are suffering more.
“Men may not even realize they’re experiencing a mental health issue,” Anderen says. “They may think it’s just stress or a situation with their job, but when you start to talk to them you find out there are a whole lot of other issues going on. They might actually be depressed.”
One in five Canadians will have a form of mental illness in their lifetime.
The signs of depression are often different in men and women. Women can be prone to sadness and tears, whereas men can be irritable and withdrawn.
“Sometimes it’s really beneficial just to give people a sounding board,” says Rachel Troughear, Alberta Health Services community support and day program coordinator for Addictions and Mental Health in Athabasca. Troughear helps her clients tackle day-to-day concerns ranging from relationships to financial planning.
“I don’t very often give advice. I just let them talk it out. I might provide a few ideas, but a lot of the time they know the answer themselves. It’s just easier to work some of these things out with someone listening.”
The consequences of keeping problems inside (or internalizing) can be serious. Ongoing anxiety and stress can become toxic, leading to more mental health problems and illnesses such as insomnia, diabetes, obesity, heart disease and some cancers. Toxic stress also affects performance at work and family relationships.
Experts agree that the more that can be done to eliminate the stigma associated with mental health problems, the easier it will be for people to seek help—particularly men.
“Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness,” Anderen says. “Everyone has problems from time to time and it takes a lot of courage to make that phone call or first appointment. That’s what we’re here for.”
